Deuteronomy 6 Reformation

Reclaiming Our Children through the Power of Jesus Christ!

And Baby Makes…3, 4….5?

“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”
Psalms 127: 3-5

I’m not even sure where the saying “and baby makes 3” comes from, but I do know I heard it quite a bit when my husband and I went from being married folks with no kids to having our first child. Every parent knows that it’s just something about the first baby that makes everyone giddy. The first child gets every gift, clothing item, overpriced high chair and crib…you name it…the first child has it. If you’re blessed to have baby #2, you have gained enough wisdom to know that the $600 crib is really not necessary and that the $100 version works just as well! Much like Baby #1, people are excited for you with Baby #2. Oh the joy of the big sister or brother getting a little sister or brother…how sweet. Enter Baby #3…..

This is where my husband and I are now; excitedly awaiting the next arrow in our quiver. But we’ve realized something…peoples’ reactions after you cross the imaginary limit of 2 children REALLY starts to change. The responses have ranged from genuine excitement from those closest to us to complete and total confusion from others as to “why on earth we would have ANOTHER baby?” Honestly, we were shocked by some of the later comments. Was there something wrong with a God-fearing, married couple (13 years), having ANOTHER baby? Was there some secret parental oath that we had forgotten to take that said we would never have more than two children? What was the big issue? Here is the issue in a nutshell:

What God Loves, the world hates!

As I began to sit down and meditate on why anyone would question why I would have another child, I was reminded of what a masterful job our enemy Satan has done to degrade and destroy the traditional family. Motherhood is almost despised and children, both unborn AND born are treated as casualties to a woman’s life. Flip on your television (if you dare; I rarely do) and most shows depict a totally dysfunctional family where the children seem to be in charge or a homosexual couple raising children. You won’t see much else. (And if you are a believer in Jesus Christ, I pray you wouldn’t be looking to mainstream media for your parenting values to begin with.)

For my husband and I to have ANOTHER child (I have to keep putting the emphasis on that to drive home how it has been said..LOL) all while living on one income, homeschooling, faithfully attempting to raise our children with a Biblical worldview, makes us seem to the world, well…odd…strange…radical…CRAZY. And you know what? I’m totally okay with being viewed as a little weird because I don’t WANT to look like the world. God loves marriage as He designed it; between ONE man and ONE woman; and He loves children. And as He always does, God revealed wonderful truths to me through His word about His plan and desire for families. Here are just a few:

“Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain saying, ‘I have gotten a man with the help of the Lord.” Genesis 4:1
(Even after being cast out of the Garden and cursed to bear children in pain, Eve acknowledged that her son Cain came from God. That just blows my mind for some reason! God would allow His fallen creation to bring more fallen creation into the world! Wow!)

“ Then the king of Egypt said to the Hebrew midwives, one of whom was named Shiphrah and the other Puah, “When you serve as midwife to the Hebrew women and see them on the birthstool, if it is a son, you shall kill him, but if it is a daughter, she shall live.” But the midwives feared God and did not do as the king of Egypt commanded them, but let the male children live. So the king of Egypt called the midwives and said to them, “Why have you done this, and let the male children live?” The midwives said to Pharaoh, “Because the Hebrew women are not like the Egyptian women, for they are vigorous and give birth before the midwife comes to them.” So God dealt well with the midwives. And the people multiplied and grew very strong.1 And because the midwives feared God, he gave them families.” Exodus 1: 15-21

(These midwives could have been killed for their disobedience to Pharoah. They chose to honor the God whom they feared instead of going along with what the leadership and culture said. As a result, many children lived, and the midwives were blessed.)

“And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.  Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them. Mark 10: 13-16

(What a beautiful example of the Savior’s love for children and a great example of what we should be like! )

There are so many more examples in the Bible of the blessing of children; far too many to list here. I pray that God compels anyone that is reading this to embrace a biblical view of children and family. By no means am I suggesting that a family go out there and have 2 minivans full of children. BUT…… if God does that for you, then AMEN!  Likewise, if you have only been blessed with one or two children, or no children at all, God doesn’t value you any less. Continue to serve God faithfully no matter where you are in the parenting season. I would however, like to encourage those who are considering expanding their families. Children ARE a blessing and not a curse. Despite the world’s attempt to make God’s plan for the family an anomaly, I admonish you, please don’t listen to the world. Pray. Seek God’s face. Ask Him to show you His plan for your family. He will hear your prayers, answer them in His time and faithfully provide for you and your household.

Sherry Wilson

Copyright © 2012 CRC Chesapeake.  All Rights Reserved.

A Young Man’s View on Marriage

In keeping with past posts from some of the youth who have been positively impacted by the D6Reformation and want to share their experiences, here is another blog from Olajuwon White reflecting on how the D6Reformation is helping him to understand and prepare for marriage. I pray it will encourage all parents who are seeking Christ to help them raise their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.


Some would wonder why I as a 16 year old would even be thinking about marriage at such a young age? Many young men my age are not even imagining themselves married. They think they need to have freedom before settling down in marriage. Most are thinking about the latest video games, getting their license, driving, getting a car, college, money, a job, worrying about how they look and how they fit in with the people around them. While I do think about the same things marriage is one of the top thoughts for my future. As a young man I have a desire to marry and have children. In that order!🙂 I believe marriage is a good thing. In God’s Word it says that God does not like for man to be alone Gen.2: 18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him.” But … what is the right age to start thinking about marriage or what is the right age to get married? Well there is no magic number for marriage. I have learned the right time to get married is when I become a prophet, priest, protector, and provider. When I have met all four of these qualities then I will be ready for marriage. As a prophet I will lovingly insist on holiness, calling out sin and working to protect my family from evil. As a priest and father of my home I will prepare, teach, and instruct in God’s word. (Eph.6: 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in discipline and instruction of the Lord.) As a provider of my home I will work to ensure all needs are met. (1Tim.5: 8- But if anyone does not provide for his relatives and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.) And as a protector I will honor and defend my wife and children ensuring all environments are physically, emotionally and spiritually safe.

As a married couple we as husband and wife should be one flesh also in one soul. Genesis 2:24 therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

But if someone is not ready for marriage it is best to stay single, but if you cannot handle being unmarried its better to get married. 1Cor.7: 8-9 To the unmarried and widows, I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am but if they can not exercise self control, they should marry for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

My wife will have to be a woman who loves the Lord and also dresses in a modest way that shows her love for the Lord. In Proverbs 31 God shows what a godly wife should be.

Prov. 31:10-31 The Woman Who Fears the Lord An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.

There is an order of priorities we must follow in our homes first in the household is Christ, then our spouse, children, then the church. That is why the D6Reformation is so important as referenced in Scripture…

Deut 6:6-12 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart you shall teach them diligently to your children you shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk them by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise you shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be frontlets between your eyes you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates and when the Lord your God brings you into the land that he swore to your fathers Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob to give you with great and good cities that you did not build and houses full of all good things that you did not fill and cisterns that you did not dig, and vineyards and olive tress that you did not plant- and when you eat and are full, then take care lest you forget the Lord, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.

As a married couple we should teach our children about Gods word what He hates and what He loves. And also teach them the gospel and how to live godly lives.

I understand that every part of marriage is not sunshine, lollipops, and sprinkles everywhere. There will be times me and my wife will disagree at some point. As a Christian we should always seek to reconcile. Mark 10:9 states, “What therefore God has joined together let not man separate.  Gods hates divorce and we should hate what He hates. According to Scripture the only way to divorce is if there is an unbelieving spouse who abandons the marriage or physical infidelity. But if not do not divorce. That is why when seeking a godly marriage both husband and wife should have the same beliefs. It is dangerous to be unequally yoked in marriage with an unbeliever and statistics verify part of the danger of having an unbelieving spouse is the effect it may have on your children. According to the Barna Group if you’re not a Christian and one of your children gets saved there is a 3.5% chance everyone in the household will get saved, if mom where to be saved there is a 17% chance that the whole household would be saved, but if the father where to be saved there is a 93% chance that everyone would be saved in the household. Young men must seek to know Christ and His Word so we will be ready to disciple our future spouses and our future children (Eph 5:25-26;Deut 6).

In God’s word purity is a big thing. As a young man I should guard myself from uncleanness and make a covenant with my eyes. Job 31:1 I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin? I plan to remain pure until I’m married because purity is a special gift for my bride.  Why wait? Abstinence has always been God’s plan for unmarried people and with good reason. Sex without marriage is cheap it cannot compare with the joy of giving yourself completely to the one who is totally committed to you. Song of Solomon 4:12 You are my private garden, my treasure, my bride, a secluded spring, a hidden fountain. I can best honor the Lord in purity by avoiding uncleanness, by not lusting after any young lady because God loves chastity and purity, also by shielding myself from things that pop up on TV and also things that pop up on the Internet. Exodus 20:14 says you shall not commit adultery. If you commit adultery it’s going to be very hard for you to stop lusting after young women.  As a young man I should avoid temptation like lusting after women and avoid friendships with those who have tried to tempt me to do something that’s wrong. The way to avoid temptation is to fight back with Scripture for example when Jesus was being tempted by the devil every time the devil tried to tempt, Jesus kept fighting back with Scripture. Psalm 19:13 Keep your servant from deliberate sin! Don’t let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin.

Jesus is serious about us having no other god’s before Him, living holy lives and not worshiping the creation over the Creator by choosing ungodly relationships over right relationship with Him.

Romans 1:18-32 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth.  For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things. Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen. For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error. And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Though they know God’s righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.

I have had in my opinion many good examples for a Godly marriage. One main example I want to share with you is through my parents. I have seen them as caring leaders for God through serving Christ and the church together and serving and taking care of each other. Having strong godly parents as an example will help me to have a strong godly marriage as well. They are teaching me at an early age to be a Christian husband and father and how to choose a godly wife best for me. Also they are teaching my sister and me in the home using daily catechism and teaching out of the book “School of Biblical Evangelism” (The Way of the Master). They’re doing this with us so when we have our own family we will do the same. We can teach the Gospel so it will be passed down from generation to generation (Psalm 78:5-8).

Psalm 119:9-20 How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments! I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. Blessed are you, O Lord; teach me your statutes! With my lips I declare all the rules of your mouth. In the way of your testimonies I delight as much as in all riches I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways. I will delight in your statutes; I will not forget your word. Deal bountifully with your servant, that I may live and keep your word. Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law. I am a sojourner on the earth; hide not your commandments from me! My soul is consumed with longing for your rules at all times.

Copyright © 2012 CRC Chesapeake. All Rights Reserved.

Is the Bible Really Enough?

We just had to share this with our D6Reformation blog followers. Our friend Pastor Brad Shedd from Harvest Assembly Church in Chesapeake,VA shared some quick thoughts on the Bible and the Sufficiency of Scripture. Enjoy!



So . . . is the Bible REALLY enough? Is it really all we need to guide us in our lives in the 21st Century? As you ponder this, allow David Platt in Radical Together to add his thoughts to your reflections . . .

           “As a result of this lack of confidence, churches may begin to minimize God’s Word. It’s not necessarily that we think Bible teaching is unimportant. We just don’t believe it’s enough. Members of the church want something else, and so those of us who lead the church give something else. In our small groups and from the pulpit, we read a verse or two, maybe a story, and then we supplement it with our own motivational thoughts, moving stories, creative ideas, and personal opinions. We glean help from the latest Christian books, the most promising leadership fads, the newest recovery advice, the sharpest financial counsel, and the best opinions on marriage and family.[Ouch!]

            Our motives, of course, are admirable. We want to serve people in need far better than a sermon the Israelites and Moabites could. Still, in the words of Walter Kaiser, “Pastors have decided that using the Bible is a handicap for meeting the needs of the [different] generations; therefore they have gone to drawing their sermons from the plethora of recovery and pop-psychology books that fill our Christian bookstores. The market-forces demand that we give them what they want to hear if we wish them to return and pay for the megasanctuaries that we have built.” [Ouch again! By the way, this quote was from an article written in 1995!]

Do you see the problem that can result from our good intentions? We can soon find ourselves scaling the heights of arrogance. For at this point we are assuming that God has not given us enough in His Word, and we are acting as if He needs us to supplement His communication to His people with our own talks and thoughts every week. [Ouch squared!]

But God is not in heaven thinking, “Man, if only I would have known or thought about this struggle or that situation my people would walk through in the twenty-first century, I would have addressed it. I am so thankful for wise leaders who are helping Me in areas I left out!”Obviously this is the not the case. God has given us everything we need in the Word we have.

            May the Lord convict us all! And . . . may we return to the foundation and sufficiency of His Word with renewed energy, commitment, and hunger . . . starting today!!


:) Brad

 “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence” (2 Peter 1:3)

Reflections on: The Beauty of Modesty Part 3

Part 3 Modesty and the Church

Why? Why? Why?

                “If immodesty is the incarnation of a pagan worldview, then why are we seeing so much immodesty among Christians? Why do we now see women attending church wearing skintight jeans, see-through blouses, or skimpy skirts? Why are Christian women wearing clothes that only a generation ago would have been considered immoral, if not illegal?” (emphasis added)

Again, Why? Why? Why?

                What Mr. and Mrs. Vaughan are saying is this; if immodesty represents an unsaved or worldly heart, then why in the world are we seeing it in the Church among the “saved and sanctified” people of God? Out of ALL places to see numerous women dressed immodestly, why the Church?

  This is the last time. Why? Why? Why?!!!!

                One of the many factors to why immodest dress is a norm in the sanctuary is due to a misunderstanding of God’s greatness which then causes us to have a lack of reverence for Him. When the view of our Heavenly Father is distorted, the way we live our lives before Him (which is a form of worship) becomes ungodly and unpleasing to a holy God who hates sin. When you no longer strive to live holy this shows that your reverence for God has begun to deplete. The 1828 Webster’s Dictionary defines reverence as; the fear acceptable to God is a filial fear, an awful reverence of the divine nature, proceeding from a just esteem of his perfections, which produces in us an inclination to his service and unwillingness to offend him. Out of reverence for God, women who profess godliness will not dress in a way that would offend Him, but instead they will be inclined to dress modestly as He has commanded in His Word. (1Timothy 2:9)

Another factor to immodest dress in the Church is that the salt in America is losing its flavor. Many churches are getting soft towards sin. The authors and I are not just talking about modesty. The American church is softening up to sin altogether. Nobody wants to confront the couple on the choir who sing hymns on Sunday but they’re “shackin’ up” the rest of the week. No one wants to “offend” the father who sits at home playing video games instead of providing for and discipling his family. And of course since this is a modesty blog, nobody pulls the twenty- something to the side to tell her that her skirt is way too short. Of course not all churches fall in this category nor do all churches have it all together.


                When the Church is no longer performing the duties of her Master, God has been taken out of the picture and worship is instead being focused on the Bride instead of the Groom (Jesus).

                “The grand object or purpose of the church is to glorify God through worship… God, not man is the center stage.”

When we gather on Sundays to worship the Lord, it’s ALL about Him. Not the pastor, the worship team, or the visitors. We should do nothing to lessen the focus from Christ. In what way could we possibly take attention away from worshipping God and focus it on ourselves?  If you said dressing immodestly give yourself a big pat on the back! J You are correct!!

When looking at the context of the instructions given in 1Timothy 2:8-10 you see that Paul was instructing the men and women on how they are to behave and dress in the church.

                “I desire then that in every place the men should pray, lifting holy hands without anger or quarreling; likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.” (1 Timothy 2:8-10 ESV)

Paul included these instructions in his first letter to Timothy because Paul knew that immodesty in the church would be a DISTRACTION. Do you really think that the pastor or worship team can concentrate when there is a woman on the front row with her chest all out in the open? Really?

In the last blog we covered why women dress immodestly. One of many factors of immodest dress was to get attention.

“Yet, a person who attends church dressed immodestly is specifically trying to get attention… It is a frightening thought, but if a woman comes to church dressed to get attention, then she is competing with Christ.” (emphasis added)

I don’t know about you but I don’t want to compete with Christ because when it’s all over I would lose bad … real bad. However, I am not at all saying that you can’t look nice for church, but dress to glorify Christ not to compete with Him. Your outfit, makeup or hairdo should not take any focus off of Christ.


                One topic that Mr. and Mrs. Vaughan explained in the tenth chapter of their book was community and liberty.

The church is a community. When living in a community you must be responsible for how your actions, words and dress affect others around you who also live in this community.  “Body life” or fellowship with others carries the responsibilities of respect and accountability for one another.

                “As it pertains to modesty, out of respect for others, we should not dress or behave in a way that causes offense to others in our community. We avoid immodesty not just because it is sinful in itself, but because as Christians living in community, how we dress and behave impacts others.”

We, as Christians, have a liberty or right. There are things that we are free to do that will not prevent us from entering the Kingdom of Heaven.  We have the right to eat what we want and drink what we want. We can style our hair how we want and decorate our homes how we desire. We can also wear what we want; however, our liberty is limited by community.  What this means is, that if what you eat, drink, decorate etc… causes your brother or sister in Christ to stumble (fall into sin) you have not only sinned against your brother/sister you have also sinned against God.

What you wear is for others to see. Therefore we must not dress in a way that could; offend a brother or sister in Christ, cause them to stumble, or think sinfully. Paul wrote about being a “stumbling block” in his first letter to the Corinthians.

                “However, not all possess this knowledge. But some, through former association with idols, eat food as really offered to an idol, and their conscience, being weak, is defiled. Food will not commend us to God. We are no worse off if we do not eat, and no better off if we do. But take care that this right of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak. For if anyone sees you who have knowledge eating in an idol’s temple, will he not be encouraged, if his conscience is weak, to eat food offered to idols? And so by your knowledge this weak person is destroyed, the brother for whom Christ died. Thus, sinning against your brothers and wounding their conscience when it is weak, you sin against Christ. Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble.”               

(1 Corinthians 8:7-13 ESV)

Pagan temples offered animal parts as sacrifice to their idols. They also functioned as butcher shops, and banqueting halls. Often meats from these temples were sold to the public. Paul instructs the Corinthians that eating or buying this meat was not sinful unless it hindered the advancement of the Gospel or destroys the conscience of another brother or sister in Christ. “Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he eats.”It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble. (Romans 14:20-21 ESV) Paul was urging the Corinthians (and Romans) to deny themselves in order that the conscience of “the brother for whom Christ died” is not destroyed.

            The same applies for your apparel. Yes men have a lust issue and it is “their problem” but women are not supposed to inflame that lust by wearing clothing that entices them to lust. In the end it all comes down to love. “For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died.”(Romans 14:15 ESV)

The same goes for your clothes, if your brother is bothered by what you wear then you show no compassion for this area of weakness. Love is sacrificial; we learn that from Christ dying on the cross. He sacrificed His life for our sins because He LOVES us. Are you willing to sacrifice your liberty of dress on behalf of your Christian brothers and sisters?


                Lastly, accountability is also important in community. Remember love “does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.”  (1 Corinthians 13:6 ESV)We must be ready to step up and biblically hold each other accountable for our dress and behaviors and we must also be biblically ready to receive correction when we are in the wrong.

“A good question every woman ought to ask herself is this: If my attire were causing my brothers in Christ to sin, would I want to know? Her answer is a good barometer of her spirituality.”

 “I really enjoyed reading The Beauty of Modesty, it changed my view on clothing and helped me understand what modesty is and why it is important to make sure that my apparel and actions are pleasing to Christ. I pray for each individual who has read this blog series, that  you will understand what God has put on my heart to say and that you will do your very best to glorify Christ with what you do and wear just as I am striving to do each day. In Jesus name I ask all these things, Amen.”~Mekenna Earley

Reflections on: The Beauty of Modesty Part 2

Part 2

Modesty and Women


Why Women are Immodest

                Previously, we covered the topic of what modesty is and modesty and the family. Now we are going to dig a little deeper and focus on modesty and women.

                Why do you think women dress immodest?  Many say to get attention.  Most women, who purposely dress immodestly to get attention, have one of the following issues: insecurity, vanity or sensuality.

“A woman who is looking for attention has an emotional deficit of some sort. She is insecure and thus needs male attention to feel valued.”

                As Mr. and Mrs. Vaughan pointed out, if it is a teenage girl who is desperately seeking out male attention, it comes from lack of attention from her own father. If it is a married woman, she is being neglected by her husband and as a result pursues male attention from men outside of her marriage by dressing in a way to catch their eyes. This, unfortunately, puts the state of her marriage on display for all to see.

“So when a woman dresses immodestly, she may be acting out of an emotional desire to feel loved, valued, or secure. In other words there is a problem at home.”

                Moving on to issue number two, vanity. According to the 1828 Webster’s Dictionary, there were various definitions and the definition that seemed most fitting was this: Ostentation; arrogance, inflation of mind upon slight grounds; empty pride, inspired by an overweening conceit of one’s personal attainments or decorations. The vain woman purposely dresses immodest not out of insecurity, but out of the hunger for praise. She wants men to do a double take as she struts down the pavement. Her mindset is filled with phrases such as this; “I’m pretty and I know it” or “She wish she looked as good as me.”

                What the vain woman does not know is that, vanity is the exact opposite of Christ and His humility. The 1828 Webster’s Dictionary defines humility as; freedom from pride and arrogance; humbleness of mind; a modest estimate of one’s own worth. In theology, humility consists in lowliness of mind; a deep sense of one’s own unworthiness in the sight of God, self-abasement, penitence for sin, and submission to the divine will.

                That is a mouthful, but when you think about this definition and about Christ and how He stepped down from HIS throne to be beaten by His OWN creations, you come to the realization that if I call myself a Christian and I believe that the servant is no greater than his master then I cannot continue to parade around immodestly as if the whole wide world revolves around me.  

                Lastly but not least sensuality can also be a factor to why women dress immodestly.  However, Mr. and Mrs. Vaughan explain this particular problem better than I can.

“Since we live in a pornographic and promiscuous society, many men and women converted as adults enter the church with sexual baggage…And some women who are recent converts are still in need of sanctification in dress, demeanor, and desire. Some people, especially those who were either exposed to pornography or sexually abused at a young age, struggle for many years to gain freedom from sexual bondage, acting out, and lust.”

It all comes down to the condition of the heart.  In 1Timothy 2:9, the Greek term “aidos” is used to describe proper female modesty. Aidos is translated to “shamefastness.”

“What ‘shamefastness’ captures is the idea of not doing what is shameful, out of an inner sense of what is reverent, honorable, or respectable… A woman who has aidos has a sense of shame, which is another way of saying that she has self-respect.  She has too much respect for herself to act or dress in a shameful way.”

Now that we have focused on why women are immodest let’s take a look at ways women can dress or act immodest.


How Women are Immodest

First let us take a look at the purpose of clothing.

  • To cover the body(moral use)
  • To protect the body from unfavorable weather. (practical use)
  • To adorn the body (the aesthetic use)

Clothing in and of itself is not immodest. However, how you wear your clothes and how you carry yourself in them can be: very indecent or, very attractive but still modest.  

Forms of immodest dress:

♦  “Ostentation is the problem of too much. That is elaborate or extravagant display.”  Ostentatious dress may apply to clothing, jewelry, hair, cosmetics or any other outrageous accessories.  An example would be wearing earrings that are so big they look as if they could possibly lacerate the piercing in your ear. Another would be doing up your hair and putting all kinds of colors and ribbons in it so that it looks like your carrying a circus on your head. The wearing of overly bright colors is ostentation also, the pastor or speaker at church should not stop his message to find out why a glowing figure just walked into the sanctuary. Ostentation is a sin because the purpose of ostentation is to focus all attention on you. If you are in church with makeup on that makes people stop in the middle of their worship to stare at your painted face, you are drawing attention away from CHRIST. That of course is not good!!!

♦  “Another breach of modesty is androgyny, which means clothing having the characteristics or nature of both male and female. By androgyny, traditional male and female roles are obscured and reversed.”  This is an abomination to God according to Deuteronomy 22:5: “A woman shall not wear a man’s garment, nor shall a man put on a woman’s cloak, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord your God.” (ESV) Men and women are different. You are supposed to be able to tell the difference between a man and a woman. Unfortunately in this day and age men want to be women and women want to be men. If you were born a female please embrace it. God created me female and I would want it no other way. So please, don’t be an abomination unto the Lord your God and be who He created you to be. (Boy or girl there is no both.)

♦  “Sensuality consists of gratification of the senses or the indulgence of the physical appetites… Clothing is sensual or provocative when it is either “too little,” “too thin,’ or “too tight.” “Too little” applies to articles of clothing such as skirts, dresses, shorts, and shirts. I am not at all telling you how to dress and neither are the authors of The Beauty of Modesty.  But let’s be real. If you call yourself a Christian trying to exhibit modesty you should not be prancing around town in a shirt that exposes any of your chest or your midriff.  Many women and teen girls put on shirts that expose just the surface of their breast but even that can tempt a man to lust after you so don’t even go there!!!! Whether you are big or small we should not see your thighs at all for any reason.

“Too thin” implies all clothing that is see-through. Your husband should be the only one who gets to see under the wrappings of the wonderful gift he calls his wife. Besides if everyone can see through your clothes then you have defeated the very purpose of wearing clothes to cover the body!!

“Too tight” clothing is a problem also. Just because you “cover yourself” doesn’t mean you dress modestly if everything you cover yourself in is so tight it looks as if you painted it on. Many styles of clothing are made to draw attention to the erotic zones of the body. “It’s not just exposed flesh that arouses a man’s lust, however. It is the “female form”…So clothing that is ‘too tight’ may cover the body in one sense, but in another sense it makes the body even more visible and alluring, even without showing an inch of flesh.” You could be wearing a turtle neck, but if the area around the breast is tight and form fitting, you have done not an ounce of justice for your brothers in Christ.  I did not understand this AT ALL when I was in middle school. I still struggle with it now, but the Lord and my parents are helping me through it. Also for the record, tights are NOT pants!

♦  “One of the more subtle forms of immodesty creeping into the church is the problem of association. Association occurs when something is linked in memory or imagination with a different thing or person. It is the process of forming mental connections or bonds between sensations, ideas, or memories. Perhaps the best example is brand-name clothing.”  The example used in the book was a clothing line that sold catalogs displaying nude images of men and women. If a young woman walks into the church with that clothing line emblazoned across her chest what message is she sending to the young men in the church who have gazed upon the “soft porn” displayed in those catalogs? The young woman would be awakening those images from the catalog into the minds of those young men when they should be focusing on Christ and worshipping Him. Is that what the young woman wants men to think of when they see her? What do you want men/boys to think when they see you

I hope this has given you a good or better understanding on why and how women are immodest. Now we can focus on how to be modest biblically.


Biblical Modesty

“Biblical modesty transcends clothing and pertains to our demeanor, that is, our actions and conduct. Our conduct is, of course, ultimately rooted in the state of our hearts. The two are inseparable.”

The authors talk about three ways our demeanor can be pleasing in God’s sight or violate biblical modesty.

                The first is decent deportment. Deportment is how you carry yourself. (Literally)This relates to modesty in the way that you walk or present yourself amongst others. For example, a teen girl who is a freshman in high school has to walk down a long hallway to get to her class. This particular hallway is usually occupied by male students. She intentionally pokes out her chest and struts down the long hallway making sure she grabs the attention of almost every boy standing by. This would be considered indecent deportment or immodesty.   

                “The LORD said: Because the daughters of Zion are haughty and walk with outstretched necks, glancing wantonly with their eyes, mincing along as they go, tinkling with their feet, therefore the Lord will strike with a scab the heads of the daughters of Zion, and the LORD will lay bare their secret parts.” (Isaiah 3:16-17 ESV)

 Deportment however, is not just walking it is also how you sit and greet others. Women and girls should sit with their legs shut or crossed even while wearing pants. Bend your knees and not your back when you reach down.  By bending over you could possibly be putting your behind in a man or boy’s face or expose undergarments that should not be seen no matter how you position yourself whether you are sitting or standing. Watch how you greet the opposite sex. “Being ‘touchy’ with the opposite sex is courting trouble.”  The way I hugged boys in school would definitely be considered immodest. Now I don’t even put my self in that kind of situation by just avoiding hugging teen boys all together. So ladies, we should not be hugging men or boys in any way that would arouse them or yourself.  Lastly, avoid spending time alone with the opposite sex. This goes for men, women, boys and girls. This is so important! It doesn’t matter that Jessica and Johnny from across the street grew up together. Most likely during that time they developed “feelings” for each other. If Jessica and Johnny are alone together all we’ll get from that situation is either a baby out of wedlock, heartbreak, or a STD.

                Second is taming the tongue. We can be immodest in what we say, how we say it and who we say it to.               

“Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.” (Ephesians 5:4 ESV)  

In association with modesty saying things that are provocative around the opposite sex are sinful and immodest. All that is said should be pleasing to God’s ears. If you don’t think God would be happy with what you are about to say then please, don’t say it.

“And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.” (Colossians 3:17)

Be careful of your conversations with the opposite sex.  Don’t say things that would strike up a thought or image that would cause a man to lust over you. Such as “I think I hooked my bra wrong” or “the bath I took this morning was lovely” these phrases can provoke lustful thinking in a man.

                                Lastly but certainly not the least, your countenance must also be godly. Countenance is defined as; appearance, especially the look or expression of the face.  You can be dressed modestly and still send an immodest message to those around you with your expressions. Winking flirtatiously or smiling provocatively is just as bad as immodest clothing.


               If you are a true Christian then you are representative of Jesus Christ. What you wear says something about who you are and what master you serve.

                Readers please don’t get the impression that this is a “holier than thou” type of blog. When I was in public school (especially seventh and eighth grade) dressing in a way that aroused your male peers was cool. I am still working on dressing in a way that does not draw attention to my body for the sake of my Christian brothers. If you truly love your brothers in Christ then you will not dress in a way that would entice them to lust after you.

                        “Food will not commend us to God. We are no worse off if we do not eat, and no better off if we do. But take care that this right of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak. For if anyone sees you who have knowledge eating in an idol’s temple, will he not be encouraged, if his conscience is weak, to eat food offered to idols? And so by your knowledge this weak person is destroyed, the brother for whom Christ died. Thus, sinning against your brothers and wounding their conscience when it is weak, you sin against Christ. Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble.” (1 Corinthians 8:8-13 ESV) (More on this Scripture will be discussed in Part 3.) 


To see what men and boys as young as 12 think about modesty/immodesty check out this modesty survey:


All quotes taken from The Beauty of Modesty,” by David and Diane Vaughan.

You have just read part two of a three part series called “Reflections On: The Beauty of Modesty.”

Series written by: Mekenna Earley 15 yrs old.

Coming soon to a D6 blog near you: Part3- Modesty and the Church

Reflections On: The Beauty of Modesty


Part 1

What is Modesty?

                Modesty is dressing, acting, or speaking with propriety, respect, and moderation. Three words are important: propriety, which suggests regard for divine or social norms; respect, which means regard for others and one’s own conscience; and moderation, which is control for one’s disposition and habits.

On the contrary, what is immodesty? Immodesty can be defined as apparel, action, or speech which is ostentatious, vain, provocative or sensual; which thereby reveals a carnal, worldly or unsanctified heart.”

This explanation of what modesty and immodesty is, helped me to better understand that it’s more than clothes it’s how you act, dress, and speak to those around you. The Lord knows that although I was stuck in uniforms for 3 years, they were not stopping me from being immodest in how I acted, what I said, and how I said it.

                “Modesty is a matter of the heart; it has to do with more than just clothes. External modesty or immodesty is a reflection of the inner disposition. A good question to ask yourself is: would someone be able to tell I’m a Christian by how I dress? What does my wardrobe say about my worldview? What is the message of my image? Or, is Christ Lord of my closet? The woman who “professes godliness”- that is, “devotion to God,” which is the heart attitude – is to act and dress in a manner that corresponds to her profession.”

Before I was saved, I didn’t fully understand the purpose of dressing modestly. I don’t even think I knew what the word meant. My thoughts were; I should be able to dress like I don’t know Christ and still be called a Christian. Now that I have Christ in my life I know that how I dress is like a first impression.  I cannot try to explain to someone else why modesty is important if my jeans are so tight that you can see the dime in my back pocket. That’s hypocritical right? Just recently I have realized that: If you are running around in “skinny jeans” and shirts that leave nothing to the imagination then what makes you any different than girls out there in the world?

                “Thus the alarming thing about immodesty in the church is what it reveals about the spiritual condition of so many Christian women. Judging by apparel alone, you would have to conclude that far too many women who “profess godliness” are, in fact, worldly at heart.”

On Saturday nights my mother, my sister, and I pick out what we are going to wear to church. We all show my father what we want to wear. Being that he is a man, he knows what articles of clothing can be a stumbling block for men and what are appropriate.  With that in mind we present our outfits to him ready to hear what he may have to say. Don’t feel like you don’t need your husband or father’s approval of what you wear before you leave the house. Many don’t realize that if fathers would put their foot down on what their daughters wear we wouldn’t see half of the mini skirts and short shorts we see now. With that being said that brings us to the importance of modesty and the family.


Modesty and the Family

“The Home is the child’s most important moral influence.”

I am currently homeschooled and there are so many reasons why I am glad I am. One of those reasons is that I don’t have the influences of immature peers who don’t have my best interest at heart, and the peer pressure that adds to the weight of making bad decisions. However, now that I am at home, my parents build our education around Christ, and I know for a fact that they have my best interest at heart.

You may be wondering what schooling has to do with modesty. If you teach your children or future children on the solid Word of God you are bound to come across Scriptures such as

“…likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.”(1 Timothy 2:9-10 ESV)

  • or

 “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” (1 Peter 3:3-4)

and then modesty becomes a spiritual, moral and practical life lesson.

Children are born sinners, they are not inherently good. Therefore they have to be trained to exhibit modesty. Children learn best by emulating what they see and hear their parents do.

No matter what you do or what you will do (for future parents) your children will be watching and they will imitate you. They can either imitate good habits and behaviors or bad habits and behaviors.

I know that for as long as I can remember my mother has almost always dressed modestly. Although my mother and I disagree on certain styles and fashions we both have the same mindset on modesty.

If you are a mom and you dress, act and speak modestly then most likely your daughters will do the same. If you have sons then most likely they look to you as a standard of beauty and what they should expect a wife to look like. So as a result, they will seek out a wife who resembles your style of dress and demeanor.

“In effect, the parents must monitor EVERYTHING (emphasis added) that their children view, read, or hear. This includes: TV, movies, videos, magazines, books, and the Internet. Any of these may potentially be a channel for impurity, like a serpent, to creep into the home.”

These very important things to monitor but, being a teenager myself, I feel that there are a few more things we can add to the list in the year of 2012. Such as: iPods, cell phones, and ALL social network accounts. In this day and age kids have access to almost everything so keep your eyes open OR make it easier for yourself and eliminate all potential outlets for your children to sin through the freedom of technology. My message to kids/teens is this; if Jesus asked to see your cell phone or iPod would you hesitate to give it to Him? If He asked for your Facebook or Twitter password would you freely give it to Him?

What does this have to do with modesty? Remember how modesty is more than clothes? If you post an inappropriate comment or picture on Facebook/Twitter, that would be considered immodest. Your actions, clothes and words are to be pleasing in the sight of the Lord; if not then your actions, clothes, and words would be classified as immodest. If you call yourself a Christian you are to be holy. “You shall be holy to me, for I the LORD am holy and have separated you from the peoples, that you should be mine.”(Leviticus 20:26 ESV)

Influences are very important; my elementary and middle school years, unfortunately, had a big role in making me who I am. Modesty can be applied to this area of your life also. If Amy is constantly hanging out with Jamie who dresses like she’s heading to the club, acts seductively towards men and says things that are not G-rated, how long will it be before Amy’s dressing, acting, and speaking the same way? Although during middle school I had to wear uniforms I made a way to fit in. If my skirt was too long then I made it short. If flirting with guys was cool I did it to. If using curse words was popular I did it to. Do you understand what I’m saying? Here it is again: “You shall be holy to me, for I the LORD am holy and have separated you from the peoples, that you should be mine.”(Leviticus 20:26 ESV) He separates us meaning we should be D-I-F-F-E-R-E-N-T!!! To all adults and especially teens in public schools, be different. You should not look like the world and then try to label yourself as a Christian. That’s hypocrisy!  “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” (Romans 12:2) I was a hypocrite and a false convert when I was in school. Don’t make the same mistake because God is GOD he knows all, sees all, and hears all.

“I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.”

(Jeremiah 17:10 ESV) 

 “By blending both love and authority, a godly father provides his child proper self esteem and also respect for others. A daughter who feels truly loved by her father will not need to disrobe for male attention. Moreover, our young men will be taught to honor others. As they are taught to honor virtue and modesty, they will also honor and respect women and not view them as sexual objects to be used, abused and discarded.”

Modesty is not just an issue for women only; it should be important to men and women, boys and girls. If fathers take a stand and fulfill the role they were called by God to do, girls wouldn’t dress in ways to attract men for the wrong reasons. When girls dress immodest they get immodest attention. When they get immodest attention, we get babies out of wedlock, abortions and fatherlessness and other sinful situations. Then the cycle begins all over again. Modesty is an issue of the family. Like most issues it starts at home. Having a healthy and loving relationship with your father is essential for girls and boys of all ages. I am assured of my fathers love. Therefore I feel no need to seek out male attention because it’s lacking at home.

“Most important, the child’s relationship to the father is the bridge for truth to travel from the father’s heart to the child’s. If he would teach his child virtue, then he must make his instruction palatable by being personal.” 

All quotes taken from The Beauty of Modesty,” by David and Diane Vaughan.

You have just read part one of a three part series called “Reflections On: The Beauty of Modesty.”

Series written by: Mekenna Earley 15 yrs old.

Coming soon:  Part 2: Modesty and Women and Part 3: Modesty in the Church.

Top Ten Things Ungodly Cultures Hate That the Bible Tells Men

  1. Men protect women.
  2. Men are leaders.
  3. Men are responsible as heads of their families.
  4. Men are to teach their children 24/7.
  5. Men are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and be willing to die for them.
  6. Men are to be fruitful and multiply.
  7. Men do not own their bodies. Their wives do.
  8. Men must bring up their children in the training and admonition of the Lord.
  9. Men must ensure that their whole families and everyone else around them should celebrate the Sabbath.
  10. Men’s hearts should be turned toward their children.

Top 10 Misconceptions About Discipling Your Child

When you hear the word “discipleship,” what comes to your mind? If you are like most Christians you likely have a number of misconceptions about the activity of discipleship. There are a number of wrong-headed ideas about discipling our children even in the church. Some of these ideas are consciously overt; that is, people propagate them. Other ideas are held unconsciously in a sense and just flow from the way we’ve always done church or the way we live our lives in this culture. But, they are destructive nevertheless. Here are ten of them:

Misconception #10: Parents Must be Discipled First and Therefore Should Wait to Disciple their Children 
Parents are concerned that they will teach in error, which is a legitimate concern. However, this may be one of the biggest misconceptions that results in children not being discipled like Jesus. Consider the words of Paul in 1 Cor. 11:1, “Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ.” Parents are to simultaneously be discipled by the Lord while they are discipling their children. No one teaches perfectly, even trained pastors. Ask the Holy Spirit to teach you while you teach your children.

Misconception #9: Discipleship is Limited to One to Five Hours per Week 
This is the clearest indicator of a faulty discipleship process and the biggest misconception today about discipleship. For Jesus, making disciples was His calling; quantity time with His disciples was a way of life. Like the twelve disciples, your children need quantity time too.

Misconception #8: Young Children Don’t Need to be Discipled
Not only can young children be discipled, they must be discipled for Christ! They will be either discipled for Christ or for Satan. The earlier you start teaching them, the sweeter your fruit will be. That’s why it’s important to create that atmosphere of discipleship we talked about even before your child is born.

Misconception #7: It’s not Dangerous to Allow Children to be Indiscriminately Taught by Unbelievers 
While it is true that Scripture points to a few exceptions when it comes to children being trained by unbelievers, that’s the point; they’re exceptions. And, that is not the way that Jesus made disciples. Jesus personally trained His disciples. It is true that Moses was raised from infancy by unbelievers and Daniel as a teenager was trained by unbelievers. In both cases their parents were forced to send them in that direction. God will always preserve a remnant. But the question that parents need to ask is this; “Is it worth the risk to send my child to be trained by unbelievers?” The fact is that your children will become like their teacher(s). Jesus said“A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone who is perfectly trained will be like his teacher” (Luke 6:40).

Now if you don’t have an opportunity to remove your children from unbelieving teachers, don’t be discouraged. Ask the Lord for help and wisdom. He will show you how to be with your children more and how to wisely use the time that He has given you. You will need to pray diligently for your children, to warn them about false teachings and to “debrief” them daily.

Misconception #6: Discipleship Only Happens During Church Activities
When we examine the life of Jesus and His disciples, we see them attending the local synagogue meetings. However, these activities were a very small part of the discipleship approach that Jesus used; He was constantly making disciples. Church attendance is important but will not replace the training that your children will need.

Misconception #5: Discipleship Only Happens at Special Events
Many Christians view discipleship as something that happens at an event, such as one that has a special speaker. Some view discipleship as something that occurs in some weekly church or para-church activity. Others view it as a weekly breakfast or lunch meeting for accountability and prayer. When we examine the discipleship approach of Jesus, we see their involvement in regular events such as weekly worship or an annual religious feast. However Jesus didn’t rely on events to get his disciples trained. He made disciples all day, every day. Events can be useful but are only a small supplement to the frequent, daily training that is needed in making disciples like Jesus.

Misconception #4 Discipleship Should Wait Until After Conversion
If you study the calling of Jesus’ disciples, you will note that Jesus did not wait until they made a profession of faith to begin discipling them. He began to disciple them as soon as they began to follow Him. A common practice in that day was to follow a prophet. It was only after following Jesus for some time that the disciples confessed Him as Lord and Savior. Discipleship should be continuous and lifelong while evangelism is a part of the discipleship process.

Misconception #3: Discipleship is Only Done by Professionals
Some parents believe that they are not trained to make disciples, and therefore should give this responsibility to others. It is common in our culture to only view trained professionals as competent. However if we look at the disciples, we see them described as untrained and uneducated men. Consider the ability and qualifications of the disciples. We see a description of two of the most notable disciples in Acts 4:13: “Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated and untrained men, they marveled. And they realized that they had been with Jesus.” You do not need to be educated or trained, but you do need to be with Jesus! Parents are called to make disciples of their children, and like the twelve disciples you can learn while you teach your children. The command to church leaders is to equip you so that you may make disciples.

Misconception #2: Reading the “Adult” Bible to Babies and Toddlers is a Waste of Time
Holy Scripture is powerful and sharper than a two-edged sword (Hebrews 4:12). Reading scripture aloud to your young children will create huge benefits in your family! You will personally be impacted by the Holy Spirit when you read God’s word aloud.  As you faithfully read God’s word over time you will become an excellent, experienced teacher.  Your child will learn to love hearing the word of God as you read it; you will help create an appetite for the Living Bread! Finally, your child will learn to love hearing your voice and your teaching. That will serve you well as you teach your children for the rest of their lives, and will be especially important during the teen years.

Misconception #1: Your Child is not Being Discipled by the Environment
Your child is being discipled every waking moment, and so are you!  The environment you choose: love versus strife, entertainment versus teaching, and secular versus godly will be the factors that shape your life and your child’s life.

Your choices will make disciples of Jesus or disciples of the devil. Look to Jesus in the way he made disciples. Choose the way of Jesus and experience the abundant life that He promised to those who are obedient!

By: Alan Melton Author of Disciple Like Jesus


Godly Children from Single Mothers: Discipleship of the Male

A casualty of sin that continues to increase in American culture is the burden of single parent households. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, in 2010 13% of households are headed by females (U.S Census Bureau). The burden is increased when the children of these households fail to receive solid Biblical teaching and/or little to no male presence. As a single parent, life’s challenges seem insurmountable yet the passion to ensure proper rearing outweighs these seemingly impermeable situations. It is no secret of how detrimental it is when a culture has adopted a practice and tradition of fatherless homes; furthermore, the effect of the male population. Adolescents, particularly boys, in single-parent families were at higher risk of status, property and person delinquencies. Moreover, students attending schools with a high proportion of children of single parents are also at risk.
Source: Anderson, Amy L. “Individual and contextual influences on delinquency: the role of the single-parent family.” Journal of Criminal Justice 30 (November 2002): 575-587. With that said, single mothers need to understand the intentionality that must be placed on the heart to disciple her son.

It is the single mom’s practice of teaching her son the attributes of the word “Father” that will establish a biblical pattern of spiritual growth. See, the ONE thing that the enemy wants boys to do, is to be angry at the concept of what “Father” is. It is the meaning, concept, and foundational purpose of “Father” that will be the thing that will have lasting power to guide your future man. Not only because of the power has it held, but the impact of pattern that it establishes. In the Bible, we read “The God of our fathers” over 20 times, and “the God of your fathers” 40 times. You must establish that Father holds a significant posture in a young man’s life despite the lack of one in the home. It is also declared in God’s word that He assumes the role of Parent when we slack or are absent (Psalm 27:10). This principle must be re-enforced! Your son’s need to understand that all hope and confidence should be in the Heavenly Father! Coupled with this principal is the God’s declaration that the sins of the earthly parent shall not be transferred to the next generation if the child chooses the way of righteousness (Ezekiel Chapter 18). It is a great encouragement to the child and can change his perspective of his future. This will be one of the most important and impactful lessons you will teach not only in his youth…but this continues through his adult years.

The tendency to nurture out of season, all the time, or too much, can and will stifle a young man’s development; if you do not understand when it’s time to change your “parental” hat. Understanding the male’s developmental stages is pertinent to male discipleship. The book of Proverbs is a treasure trove of lessons for the discipleship of young men. Proverbs chapters 1-4 are the parental appeals including consequences. I find it interesting that Proverbs 31 was actually written to a young man so he will know the criteria for choosing a Godly wife. Recognizing rebellion, living a holy lifestyle, and being selfless are the necessary attributes for proper biblical discipline. These attributes are instrumental in discerning seeds of anger, homosexuality, laziness, and deception. Single mothers must understand this balance and press through temptations, selfishness, weariness, and sin… (yes! I said sin!). The single mother’s nature to nurture can be executed out of guilt or transference.Some may cultivate inappropriate dependence on or confiding in the male child because of the absence of the father in the home.The Word of God must be the foundation of daily communication and your family’s foundation for truth. In Ephesians 4:12-14 is states: to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. One must remember that she is preparing a (Titus 1:4-7) husband and father. This responsibility requires much sacrifice!!

Lastly, it is important for single mothers to understand that her son is not perfect and he will sin. The Word of God tells us that “They have all fallen away; together they have become corrupt; there is none who does good, not even one. (Psalm 53:3 ESV) and “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” (Romans 3:23 ESV). Our tenancy to posture ourselves in the eye of perfection is deceptive. For it is written: For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. (Galatians 6:3 ESV). As one who has lived a sinful life, I can attest that those testimonies will be used to disciple many; if you are choosing to be transparent. Single parent discipleship leaves no room for facades and masks. Discipleship of the male child requires transparency and much wisdom. It also helps when one is connected to a family-integrated church. Our sons need the brotherhood of strong male leadership found in Godly examples. Forgiveness of past hurts, as well as abandonment issues are discussed and he has a safe place to confess his sins (Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. (James 5:16 ESV) and receive healing.

It is possible to rear Godly men as a single mother. It is a reality if you are willing to put in the work, live holy, and live a totally selfless life for the cause of Christ. Oh how wonderful Lois and Eunice must have felt to receive such a word of encouragement from brother Paul in the testimony of Timothy (2 Tim. 1:5). Single mothers can rear Godly sons!   

Reflections on Becoming A Titus 2 Woman

“Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
Titus 2:3-5

Over the past few weeks, I have been reading one of the best books I have ever read; Becoming a Titus 2 Woman by Martha Peace. The title is self-explanatory. It’s an in depth expository look at Titus 2 and how women who profess Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior should strive to embrace and live out this model given to us in scripture. I had so many emotions well up in me while reading this book. Primarily sadness, because I realize that there is no older woman in my life that I regularly sit with, fellowship with and go to for advice. Added to that was conviction because although I am not quite in the older woman category by most people’s standard, I have lived long enough and been married more than enough years to be actively imparting wisdom into some young woman’s life. Having now completed the book, I feel compelled to share some of my thoughts and touch on three questions that have been resonating with me. I pray that all women, no matter what age, will consider getting the book. It has truly been life changing for me.

Question 1: Where on earth are/were the Titus 2 women in my life???

I was raised “in the church”. I am a proud carrier of an official PK (preacher’s kid) card. There has been no shortage of Godly women in my circle of influence. Yet sitting here today, at almost 36 years old, there is not one older/mature Christian woman that I have a meaningful, endearing relationship with. And if I may be completely transparent, many of my childhood memories of the women I saw both inside and outside of the church were negative. Many of them were manipulators, gossipers, ALL the things Titus admonishes women NOT to be. Rewind to 1998 when I announced that I was engaged to be married and one of the older women in the church asked my mother ever so politely, why I would want to “ruin my life” by getting married “so young”. (I was 21 at the time.) I can laugh at that exchange now, but initially I was so hurt by her words! I am sure that there were many women that were happy about my engagement and I am certain many told me so, but to this day, she is the ONE person I remember.

Martha Peace’s book helped me to understand that there is still some healing that I need in my own life. Perhaps there is a wall that I have put up that has prevented these relationships to blossom. Maybe even, there is a hidden fear that if I approach an older woman for counsel she will respond in a way that will remind me of the women I grew up with and my poor little feelings will be hurt all over again..LOL Who knows? I am grateful that God has shown me what I need to work on. The Titus 2 relationship is a reciprocal one; I must be open to Godly rebuke, counsel and encouragement when it comes, despite my past hurts. In other words, I cannot long for this type of relationship and then be offended by the very thing I want when it comes.

Question 2: What has age segregation in the church done to women (of all ages)?

I strongly believe that age segregation in the church has completely strangled the potential for the older women to train the younger women. It’s pretty much non-existent. Take any given Sunday in the majority of churches in our country. The children and teens run off to their ministries. The 20 and 30 something moms plan their play dates and mommy’s night out while sipping on a latte after service. (Not being sarcastic at all here! ) The singles go in one direction. Older mature saints go in another direction. Very rarely do the paths ever cross. What is the result of this division? We have young women who are left to struggle because they realize that even after the latte and the mommy’s night out, they still have to go home and discipline a sinful toddler all while trying to fix dinner, maintain a home and serve her husband! And the older woman who has decades of knowledge and experience is left to never have any impact on the lives of the younger women in the church, because quite frankly, they avoid each other. (Sometimes intentionally, sometimes not.) Titus 2: 3-5 is crystal clear, and trust me, I am no theologian or Bible scholar! This portion of scripture implies that there are opportunities for this training (how to love their husbands and children) to take place. There is no question as to “if” it will occur. It will occur. And it must occur so that the “word of God may not be reviled.” (vs.5) Wow! What a strong charge to women!!

Question 3: What would Bible believing churches look like if Titus 2 was being lived out?

Well for starters, I believe the counseling load of pastors all over the world would drastically, exponentially and supernaturally DECREASE! LOL!!  And here’s why; if young women knew that there were wise women in the church who would lovingly correct and encourage them and if young men knew that there were “sober-minded, dignified self-controlled men”(Titus 2:2) who could walk them through life with Biblical advice, no one would EVER need to go running to his or her pastor for anything but a praise report! ( I’m trying not to go on a tangent here, but seriously, a lot of the stuff we go to our pastors for could easily be resolved if believers were walking in true relationship with each other according to God’s word.)

I imagine marriages would be more harmonious, Christian households would be more peaceful, singles would walk in peace and the Body of Christ as a whole could get back to its charge of taking the gospel to all nations. What if in churches everywhere, women and men both young and old, mothers and daughters, fathers and sons, worked in tandem with each other as opposed to against each other?

“Heavenly Father, we pray that as Your truth continues to shine light into dark places, that we would not just be hearers, but doers of Your Word. Let women and men, young and old, embrace and exemplify the order You have set in place for their lives, knowing that it is for Your glory, and Yours alone. Show us how to lovingly and effectively live out Titus 2 so that You will be honored in all that we do. May Your Word never, ever be reviled!”
In Jesus Name,

Sherry Wilson

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